One and Only III

Sundays were the hardest for her because even if she avoided him she knew he was just a few feet away from her. She always had to battle her own emotions on Sundays. Part of her didn’t want to care about anybody but him. That part, her heart, wanted to just love him. But there was that part of her that just couldn’t disregard other peoples emotions. That part, her mind, kept her from him and for the most part it always won. She made an effort not to bump into him, she hid out in her dressing room when she didn’t have a performance and rushed out of the studio once the show was over.

He stayed with his girlfriend hoping that since Sarah turned him away the love he had for her would die and that he would learn to see forever with his current girlfriend. But after weeks of trying to make things right he knew he could never look at her the same way he once did, not now that he finally acknowledged his true feelings for Sarah. Not now that he knew someone else owned his heart. He did his best to break it to her gently but really there is no easy way to break somebody’s heart.

She didn’t even ask him why because somewhere in her heart she knew the answer, she knew that the love she longed to have he could never give to her. It hurt but she thanked him, she thanked him for letting her go and giving her the opportunity to find someone who would choose her, someone who wouldn’t see her as just another option. And before she walked away from him she told him to be happy, to follow his heart and fight for the one who owns his heart.

That is exactly what he wanted to do but not now. He knew it wasn’t the right time.

The break up was quiet. Both parties agreed not to talk about the cause of the break up, they only went as far as saying it was over. Sarah heard about the break up and although some would think now was the right time since there was no one standing in the way she knew in her heart it still wasn’t right. They both still had personal issues that they had to come to peace with.

She continued to avoid him and he gave her her space. Months passed and the two still have not spoken. The time he had alone made him realize that he had so many loose ends in his life that he needed to attend to. He realized he didn’t want to bring her into his life when it was this messed up. For once in his life he had the time to reflect on his past relationships and learn why it never worked with the others. He was a new man, a man ready to fight for his love, a man ready to wait until forever. This time for real.

She went on with her life, keeping herself busy with work. She still carried that heaviness in her heart and no matter how hard she tried she just couldn’t fill that void he left in her heart. Everyday she wondered if she would ever wake up without this feeling, if she’d ever get over him. She had done it in the past, she was able to bury her feelings for him in the past so why couldn’t she do it again? She knew deep inside that she couldn’t just shake this feeling off because now she knew how he felt about her. But after all this time could he still feel that way about her? Could that love survive the coldness she showed it?

She was all set to go on tour for a month with some good friends. She enjoyed doing concerts abroad because it gave her a chance to just be Sarah, not the Popstar Princess or Box Office Queen, just plain old Sarah. She loves what she does and she loves performing but sometimes it got to be a little much and these concert tours always gave her a breath of fresh air when her workload got a little toxic. She couldn’t wait to go on tour especially since she was headed to Europe and she was excited to spend one week all to herself in London before she returned home to Manila.

The last Sunday before she left for her month long tour their paths crossed again.

Most of the artists were all gathered in one dressing room talking amongst themselves before the show started. She was sitting down in the back corner of the room excitedly talking about her trip to Europe. Her friends were joking around naming things they wanted for pasalubong. She playfully joked around and laughed with them. Her excitement overcame her and she had forgotten that for last few months she had been avoiding these kinds of gatherings in fear of running into him.

He was counting on her not being there since she had been keeping herself from this kind of atmosphere so he casually walked into the room and joined his friends in conversation. He saw the Kanto Boys all gathered in one corner so he made his way over there, little did he know that in the back of that corner was the girl he has long been aching to see. Just in time he joins the circle as she is laughing. Again that laugh, that laugh that both made his heart race and break at the same time. He looked at her, she looked so happy, and in that moment he felt as though she was over him. That she was happy without him. Could it be? Did she no longer feel the way he does? Is this why she’s here now instead of hiding out in her own dressing room? Was she no longer trying to avoid him? He suddenly felt afraid. Afraid that maybe now it really was too late.

He was lost just staring at her. The laughter soon dies down and the conversation shifts. It was only now that she notices his presence there in front of her. She catches his gaze and for once her heart was winning, she just couldn’t turn away. Everybody else in the group, oblivious to the tension between the two, continue with their conversation.

Billy looks over to John Lloyd and jokingly asks “O ikaw anong gusto mong pasalubong galing Europe? Sige na wag kang mahiya, kayang kaya ni Sarah yan.”

Seriously, still looking in Sarah’s direction, he says “Ikaw...”

Sarah looks down this time to avoid his gaze her heart racing. She feels like her heart is pounding against her chest and that it would be a miracle if no one else heard it beating. He finally looks away sensing her uneasiness.

Billy being the goofy person he was joked around “Lloydie ano ba, diba we agreed to be just friends? Baka may makarinig sa yo isipin nila nag break kayo dahil sa kin...”

Everybody bursts out laughing again except Sarah. It’s ironic how Billy was spot on. John Lloyd meant her when he said ikaw and she was the cause of the break up, whether she inteneded to be or not.

“Guys lets go, magst-start na tayo.” A staff member says as the show is about to begin.

Relief that’s what Sarah is feeling right now because for a second there her heart was beating out her mind and in that second she was almost ready to choose him above anything else in her life. But when the laughter died down and his gaze shifted away from her her mind once again overcame her heart. She was still battling the demons from her past. She couldn’t give him her heart until she had come to peace with her past.

The show ended the same way it ended for the past few months. Another Sunday passed with the two of them brushing by each other like strangers. But just as she was getting ready to leave they bump right into each other in the hallway.

There he was just inches away from her, her heart pounding against her chest again. She doesn’t know what to say and he just can’t seem to find the right words to say. They stand there still for a moment just staring at each other, both longing to just hold the other in their arms. He finally starts to stutter some words.

“Uhm. So-Sorry, hindi, uhm, hindi ako tumitingin sa dinadaanan ko” he gives an awkward smile as she just continues to look at him. Shes trying to say something but she just can’t get the words out.

He finally gets a hold of himself and smiles as he says “Uh sige na, mauna na ako, have a safe trip”

And just like that he was gone. She closes her eyes thinking of how stupid she must of looked just staring at him. She turns slightly to see his back as he walks away and whispers to herself “Miss na miss na kita...”