Where Do Broken Hearts Go III

The next few workshops went smoothly and she was finally getting comfortable with the emotions she needed to convey. It didn’t take very long for their friendship to pick up where it last left off years ago. Soon they were joking and playing around like they use to in the past.

This was it. A week of workshops and now they faced their first shooting day. She’s sitting in her tent, her hair and make-up done, when he walks into the tent. She is sitting slumped on her seat, script in hand, with her eyes closed. He smiles upon seeing her and quietly takes the seat next to her. Feeling his presence beside her she takes a peek with one eye and laughs softly when she confirms that it indeed is him sitting next to her.

“Halata bang kinakabahan ako?” she asks him as she opens both her eyes.

“Not at all” he answers in an attempt to ease her nerves.

She shakes her head aware that he was saying that in an attempt to calm her nerves. She takes his hand and places onto her chest just over her heart. Her hands are cold and shaking as she holds his against her chest, her heart pounding against her chest.

“Thanks for trying pero kahit ano pang sabihin mo kinakabahan pa rin ako... ramdam mo?”

He wasn’t nervous at all, acting was his thing, but suddenly he felt the same nervousness as her but for different reasons. He’s sitting still in his seat staring at his hand on her chest, his heart beating just as quickly as hers now. He’s gone somewhat pale and she quickly notices it. Taking her hand away from his she places the palm of her hand onto his cheek.

“Lloydie okay ka lang? Namumutla ka ata...” she asks worriedly. He looks up at her, his hand still placed over her chest and she stares at him wide eyed awaiting his response.

The rest of the world disappeared when he had his palm over top of her chest, feeling her heart beating just beneath his palm. In that moment he heard nothing but the lub-dub of their hearts. He didn’t understand the things he was feeling and he didn’t have the slightest clue as to what to make of it. He may not have known, or was in denial, why he felt this way but his heart did. Their hearts seemed to be speaking to one another, moving one step faster than their minds. He hasn’t said a word or moved for minutes now and she starts to really get worried. She places her other hand on his other cheek and gives him a soft shake trying to get his attention.

He finally comes to his senses and removes his hand from her chest.

“Ha? Ah... oo okay lang ako. Ikaw kasi eh, nakakahawa yang kaba mo...” he answers maing up an excuse for his blunder.

“Ikaw kinakabahan? Kinakabahan pa ba ang isang John Lloyd Cruz? Wag kang ganyan say o lang ako umaasa, hindi ka pwedeng kabahan.” She says removing her hands from his face and claping them tightly together onto her lap.

She was keeping her cool but she felt it too. When he had his hand on her chest, their skin touching, she felt a jolt of electricity running through her body routing from her heart. Her heart was beating fast even before he came close to her but it just started racing when she felt the warmth of his hand on her skin and it showed no signs of slowing down.

Both fall silent, both thinking about what was happening between them. It wasn’t long before their director walked in and called John Lloyd over for his first scene. Alone in the tent she looks at herself in the mirror and puts her hand over her heart, in the exact same place he had his hand earlier, and shakes her head. It was all coming back to her, the memories and the feelings. But things were different now they were both involved; she already gave her heart to someone else. She refused to fall into this mess, not now, not now that she was happy again. She made a commitment to her boyfriend and she was standing by her commitment. She was safe with Jacob, she was happy with him and she was sure that she could be happy spending forever with him. She continues to stare at herself and takes a deep breath before uttering “no” to herself as if speaking to her heart.

She exits her tent and makes her way over to where her director would be sitting. She takes a seat beside the monitor and watches as their director gives John Lloyd some instructions. She watches his every move, watching the way his lips moved, the way he intently listened to every word their director uttered, the way he carried himself confidently. And unknowingly she smiles. She couldn’t see anyone else but him and all she could hear was the sound of her heart beating. Clearly her heart wasn’t listening to her and it continued to make it’s point to her.

That night she was tossing and turning in her bed. This can’t be, she thinks to herself. She sits up in her bed and looks over at her bedside table picking up the picture of her and Jacob. She runs her fingers over the picture and then holds it tightly in her arms, just over her chest. She gave her heart to this man and they both worked so hard to make this relationship work. For a long time she wasn’t ready to fall in love again but when he came into the picture he made her believe in love again, he woke up her sleeping heart. She couldn’t envision ever leaving him especially for someone who had hurt her once upon a time. However, she can’t escape all the things she is feeling inside. She puts the picture back down and leans her head against her headboard and just stares into the darkness. Her mind is drawing a blank, she didn’t even know what to think at this moment, her heart had just shut down her mind. After moments of silence she picks up her phone unable to bear staring at the darkness any longer. She dials his number hoping to speak to him tonight. Three rings – no answer. She is about to hang up when he suddenly answers.

“Oh hun, napatawag ka?”

She smiles upon hearing his voice, her heart starting to settle down.

“Wala na miss lang kita... busy ka?” she asks softly.

“Hindi naman nagaalmusal lang. Miss na din kita.”

Feeling somewhat at ease now she starts to relax as she slides back down in her bed. “Di ako makatulog kwentohan mo naman ako...”

He softly chuckles before he starts to tell her about his day. She closes her eyes and just listens to every word he says. He did this for her often; whenever she had trouble sleeping she would call him and he would tell her stories till she fell asleep. She always felt at ease whenever she would hear his voice; she found it soothing and it would always help her sleep soundly which always led to good mornings.

For the next few days she made it a point to communicate with Jacob every day, making sure to tell him that she loved him. She wasn’t normally this way, she wasn’t clingy or showy the way she was lately. She and Jacob had a stable relationship that allowed them time for themselves without the need to constantly remind each other of their love. But, for reasons she refused to understand, she didn’t feel so secure about their relationship if she didn’t say “I love you” to him out loud every day. She didn’t realize that every time she told him that she loved him she was saying it half for him and half for herself. It was as if she needed to remind and convince herself that she did indeed love Jacob and only Jacob.

Shooting days were difficult because her feelings for John Lloyd were strongest then. Yet, she found ways to deny these feelings and carry on with her work. He was just as conflicted as she was and, maybe, if she wasn’t in a relationship as well he might have had the courage to leave his girlfriend and fight for Sarah. But, as far as he knew Sarah was very much in love. He would often hear her on the phone with her boyfriend during breaks and she always looked her happiest when she was talking with him. Little did he know that she needed to do this to keep her feelings for him in line. It also didn't hurt that the majority of the scenes they were shooting were challenging and they managed to distract her and take her attention off of John Lloyd. They were on a very tight schedule and this really limited the amount of time she and John Lloyd had to just talk and hang out, which worked in their favour. Truthfully, it didn’t work in their favour it worked in favour of their current relationships, something they both were having a hard time saving.

Then the day finally came, the day they had to shoot their first kissing scene. Neither of them ever brought this scene up in the past, and to be perfectly honest, neither of them really thought about this scene. At the moment, as far as they each were concerned, this kiss was the least of their worries or so they thought...
TBC