Where Do Broken Hearts Go IV

He’s already on the set, talking comically with the staff, when she arrives. She’s singing to herself, rehearsing her song numbers for ASAP tomorrow, as she walks over to where they are. She was so preoccupied with other commitments that this scene slipped her mind. They smiled at each other when she reached his side but before either of them could say one word their director was all set to go.

“Okay game, start na tayo.” Their director walks over to the two of them and moves them around trying to figure out the blocking. As she does this she briefs the two about what she wants from this scene.

“Lloydie pag hawak mo sa mukha nya I want to see your longing, yung conflict sa puso mo. Tapos Sarah gusto kong makita yung galit at takot, yung struggle mo. Remember turning point tong eksena na to so we really need to do this perfectly. And Sarah pag lapat nang mga labi nyo dun ka magstart umiyak.

Sarah then abruptly turns to her director realizing that this was the kissing scene they were shooting.

“Oh my. Kissing scene nga pala to, hindi ko...”

“Hindi mo...?” their director asks worried that she didn’t know her lines.

“Hindi ko napaghandaan...” she whispers as she turns to look at Lloydie who is trying to stay calm despite the fact that he was shaking inside.

“Hindi mo alam mga linya mo?” she asks clearly disappointed.

“No direk alam ko, hindi lang ako ready... oh forget it bahala na” she finally says realizing they couldn’t afford to waste any time.

So they start. Their director yells out action and they go ahead and exchange lines. She says her last line before the kiss and he slowly starts to move in for the kiss. Her lips were trembling, in fact she felt like her entire body was shaking in nervousness. Time seemed to be running so slowly. She can feel his warm breath caressing her skin as she closes her eyes. He closes his eyes, forgetting the rest of the world, and lays it all on the line right now. This may be the one chance he gets to make her feel his love, the one time he can freely love her. Finally their lips meet.

At first they are both stiff, neither of them making even the slightest move. Unknowingly tears start to roll down her cheeks. They weren’t acting anymore, this was for real. As he eased into the kiss he pulled her a little closer and she responded to the movement of his lips. They shared an intimate passionate kiss, one that only two people in love could possibly share. She runs her fingers through his hair and grasps the back of his neck. She isn’t thinking anymore she is just following her heart. The scene was perfect, exactly what the director asked for.

“CUT!” their director yells out loud but they are both deaf to the rest of the world. All either of them can hear is the pounding of their hearts in perfect harmony. The staff members all look at each other unsure of what to do. Truthfully they wanted this for the two of them because they all longed for what could have been for these two. Everybody’s whispering amongst themselves as the two continue to divulge in this kiss.

After a moment of shock their director gives it one more shot. Yelling at her loudest into the megaphone she says “CUT!!”

She heard it this time. Her eyes quickly open and she sees his face barely an inch from her face. She cuts the kiss off and quickly pulls away from him, trying to catch her breath. His eyes fly open when she pushes him away and he looks around at the surprised faces of everybody then back at Sarah. She has one hand over her heart and the other grazing her lips. She feels short of breath, like she just ran a marathon, her heart is racing and her breathing heavy. She’s looking down at the ground trying to comprehend and soak in what just happened. Her entire body is shaking and he starts to worry about her.

As he extends his hand to hold onto her arm he calls out her name softly, almost whispering “Sarah...”

She looks up at him, still in shock. She takes a step back from him and takes a deep breath before uttering “I’m sorry...” Tears are still running down her cheek as she turns around and runs away from him, away from this place. He wants to run after her but he didn’t know what he would say or do. He knew very well that this was going to explode into a big mess; this is what neither of them wanted to happen.

She stops running and takes a seat beneath a tree tears still pooling in her eyes. She hugs her legs tightly towards her chest and buries her face in her arms. She doesn’t know why she’s suddenly such an emotional mess.

“Ano ba? Ang tanga mo bakit ka nagpapadala sa emosyon mo...” she thinks to herself. She was tormented by the conflict she felt inside her heart. She and Jacob had shared several kisses in the past but he didn’t make her feel weak in the knees like John Lloyd just did.

“Mahal ko sya...” she finally admits to herself. But he was in love with someone else; the timing could not be any worse. She believed in signs and if she interpreted the signs right now then nothing was working in their favour. She continues to cry unsure of what to make of her current situation. She is struggling, struggling to figure out whether or not there was any chance that she could still salvage her relationship with Jacob. Maybe, one day, she could learn to love him the way she thought she did, the way she loved John Lloyd. She carried such a heavy weight in her heart because Jacob was perfect but she knew, in her heart, that that didn’t make him the right one for her. So where was she to go from here? She and John Lloyd could never be but now neither could she and Jacob. She could never look at him the same anymore. Every time they’d kiss, every time she’d say “I love you” she knows that she would only be fooling herself and that wasn’t fair to him. She had been cheated on before and even if she wouldn’t pursue a relationship with John Lloyd she’d still feel like she was being unfaithful to Jacob. All she ever asked for in her relationships was honesty and she knows she owes this much to Jacob.

She sits there alone and lost; all she can do is to cry. She doesn’t know what is right or wrong anymore all she knows is that it is John Lloyd that she loves, it always has been. But, it wasn’t right for them years ago and she’s afraid it still isn’t right now.

TBC