Where Do Broken Hearts Go V

After a while of crying helplessly to herself she finally starts to settle down. She doesn’t know what to do or where to go all she knows is that she needs to be alone for awhile. She grabs her phone and calls her driver asking him to pick her up and drive her anywhere so that she could be alone. During the car drive she calls home to speak with her sister. She tells her not to worry because she was safe and that she just needed some time to think things through. Her driver pulls up at a hotel just outside of the city and Sarah thanks him before she gets out and walks into the hotel.

In her hotel room she shuts off her phone, not wanting to hear from anybody, and sat down onto the bed her entirety being consumed by her thoughts.

He’s sitting at home staring at his phone debating whether or not he should call her. He had a date with his girlfriend tonight but at last minute he cancelled because he didn’t feel it was fair to go out with her when Sarah was all he could think of. Finally he garners up enough courage to call her. His hand is trembling as he dials her number and brings his phone to his ear. Unfortunately, her phone was shut off still and he sighs to himself in disappointment. He thinks to himself wondering whether he should go to her so they could speak face to face but he wasn’t even sure where to find her. He knew Sarah better that they both had thought and he had an inkling that she didn’t go home that night. They didn’t shoot again for another two days and it was killing him thinking about how long he had to wait before he could speak to her again.

Those two days were agonizing for them both. He kept trying to call her but never succeeded because she never turned on her phone. And she hardly slept during those two days as she spent most the day debating with herself about what the right thing to do was.

On the day of their shooting John Lloyd arrived on set bright and early, eager to see Sarah again. She shows up right in time for hair and make-up and walks straight to her tent trying her best not to bump into him. He’s sitting down a ways from her tent and was having a casual conversation with some of the crew when he hears people say that Sarah was already there. He turns in his seat to face her tent, his heart racing, and takes a deep breath. He is about to get up but then he hears his director tell the crew to stay out of the tent for awhile because she would like to speak with Sarah one on one. John Lloyd slumps back down, disappointed, into his seat. After what felt like an eternity Sarah and their director walk out of the tent, their director’s arm around Sarah’s shoulder. He smiles upon seeing her but she avoids looking in his direction. As they approach John Lloyd the director yells out that they were going to get started. There was no time for them to talk because they got right into the scene they needed to shoot. After a couple of takes they finally had a break while the crew set up for the next scene. She is starting to walk away but he grabs her by her wrists and calls her name. With a heavy heart she turns around and finally looks him straight in the eyes. He smiles at her but she keeps a straight face.

“Sarah, tungkol dun sa nangyari nung...”

She interrupts him not wanting to hear what he had to say “Wala yun. Wag mo nang isipin yun...”

“Pero...”

“John Lloyd please wag na nating pagusapan to, wala naman tayong dapat pagusapan. I acted unprofessionally and I’m sorry.”

As she says this he loosens his grip on her wrist and she walks away from him. He stands still just watching her as she walked away from him. He covers his face with his hands in frustration and yells into his hands. Surprised by the sound of John Lloyd yelling she stops in her tracks and turns around to look at him, as does everybody else. He sees her staring at him once he removes his hands from his face but he just storms away in frustration. He was frustrated with her and with himself. He was frustrated because once again she was walking away from him; once again she was pushing him away. She watches him as he walks away, clearly angry, her heart twisting. She admitted to herself that she loved him but she wasn’t ready to admit that to him, she never wanted to admit it to him. She didn’t want to believe that there could be something special between the two of them only to find out later that she was nothing but a friend to him. History was repeating itself and they were making the same mistakes they made in the past – they both made assumptions rather than talk out what they were really feeling. Another simple misunderstanding was keeping them apart.

She made her decision – she was not going to act on her emotions. No matter which way she looked at it she was going to get hurt and having it this way seemed the least painful to her. If she choose him, if she admitted her true feelings to him she couldn’t be sure if he could return her feelings. And if he did she wasn’t sure if she could trust him with her heart. He had hurt her, time and again, and it was hard to try and move on from him in the past. Fact is she was still trying to move on from him and she had no desire to waste all her efforts to forget him in the past. Choosing him just opened up the wounds from the past, wounds that, with time, were finally healing. She wasn't ready to put her heart out there again.

He was struggling to understand what was going on between the two of them. He loved her and he knew it, he was just afraid to admit it. He was weighing in his mind what being with Sarah would mean. Things were not easy with Sarah; she had expectations and surreal beliefs about love that he just couldn’t commit to. With his current girlfriend things were easy but maybe that was what was wrong with their relationship, it was too easy. He enjoyed her company but that was about it, there was hardly an emotional connection between the two of them. He didn’t care to make the wrongs right in this relationship because it just didn’t matter, they would just brush it off and move forward. He didn’t want to admit it but the truth was he never really loved her. He just needed someone to fill that void in his life and when she came along he mistook his loneliness for love. But now that Sarah was back in his life he knew that this was love. He was starting to think the struggle would be worth it if it meant he could finally have her. He was tired of playing games, tired of wasting his time with dead end relationship but he was also afraid, afraid that he wasn’t enough for her.

They both had too much pride to be honest with each other. They both hurt each other in the past and even if they both loved each other they had too much pride to make the first move.

They continued to act cold towards each other off cam but soon enough there uneasiness towards each other was reflecting on screen and their director was not pleased. Their feelings towards each other were obvious to everybody but them it seemed and their director had had enough. She made some last minute changes to their call times and made them both come earlier than the rest of the cast and crew. The two arrive on set at practically the same time and their director greeted them both with a smile as she led them into an empty room. Neither of them said a word. They were both looking around trying to figure out where everybody else is.

“Direk asan...” Sarah says first.

But their director cuts her short and says “Let me do the talking. Pilit kong iniintindi yung sitwasyon ninyong dalawa but there is only so much I can do to make this work. Please, for your own sakes, magusap na kayo and please work this out naawa na ako sa inyong dalawa...”

“Sitwasyon? Naawa? Direk anong ibig nyong sabihin?” Sarah asks pretending not to understand what their director was implying.

“Sarah maging totoo ka sa sarili mo, pareho kayo please magpagkatotoo na kayo. I promise it will do you wonders.”

And before either of them could say another word their director walked out of the room and locked the door.

There is a chair on one side of the room and Sarah moves towards it. She slumps down onto the seat not looking at John Lloyd. John Lloyd is staring at her, he wants to speak up but he was tired of chasing after her he felt it was time for her to make the first move. But she doesn’t say a word; she just stares at the wall and hums to herself. The tension between the two of them was becoming unbearable and her humming was starting to irritate him.

“Look matagal na nating dapat ginawa to, we should of talked noon pa” he finally says rubbing his forehead in frustration.

She looked up at him, still being stubborn she answers “At ano yung dapat nating pagusapan?”

His emotions were building up inside of him and he couldn’t contain them anymore – the confusion, frustration, anger, love... he was ready to explode. He looked up at her and saw her annoyed expression, she clearly didn’t want to be here. He couldn’t put into words all the things he wanted to say. Everything just became a blur and he quickly moves across the room to where she is and kneels down in front of her. He put both his hands onto her face and pulled her into a kiss. Everything was happening so fast, his head felt like it was spinning. She has her eyes open at first, completely caught off guard, but then she surrenders to his kiss and just goes with it. She wasn’t thinking anymore, she was tired of fighting her feelings, and for a moment she didn’t care about the consequences of this kiss. Her ears were ringing and her cheeks were burning but none of that mattered, all that mattered was in this moment he was hers, finally.

But then he pulls away.

TBC