In a perfect world they would live happily ever after but unfortunately this world, this life, was no fairytale. Admitting to their true feelings made it easier for them to work together again but it didn’t make their situation any less difficult. They both agreed that they would deal with what was next for the two of them once they had ironed out all the kinks in their lives, once their situation was simpler. Jacob was still out of the country on business and Sarah wanted to end things with him face to face; she felt that she owed him that much. She dreaded the day because never in her life did she break someone’s heart intentionally and it was killing her thinking about hurting someone she truly cared about. He, on the other hand, found it hard to find time to talk to his girlfriend. Every time he was free she was busy or out of town. Some would say that whatever powers controlled fate was working against them and it seemed like it was trying to steer them away from one another. But that didn’t faze him, he didn’t care for signs he just cared for what his heart was telling him and she followed his lead.
Their relationship remained ambiguous and neither of them spoke freely about it. She particularly avoided the topic because to an extent it made her uncomfortable thinking about the commitments they still had and the feelings they shared. In her mind she knew it was over with Jacob but to her until it was officially over sharing a special something with John Lloyd would be cheating and that was the last thing she ever wanted to do. He knew she wasn’t just anybody and that if he wanted things to work with her he would have to make sure that they started off on the right foot. Thus, this time around he smartened up and followed her lead. He controlled his urge to be with her until he had fixed all the broken pieces in his life. They learnt to enjoy each other’s company without crossing the line. Whatever it was the two of them shared at the moment they learned to be content with.
They were sitting side by side on a park bench as the crew set up for the next scene having a casual conversation. She was exhausted from her long week of recordings, shootings, pictorials, etc and he could see the wearied look in her eyes. He playfully tells her jokes trying to get her to laugh hoping it would spark something in her and would, even momentarily, bring the sparkle back to her eyes. He tells a joke and she weakly starts to laugh. The joke wasn’t funny, and he knew it, she was just so worn out that his overwrought effort to be funny amused her. She turns to face him and with a faint smile she thanked him.
“Nagiging Kanto Boy ka nanaman...” she says faintly with a soft chuckle.
His eyes light up upon seeing her smile and he starts to make faces at her hoping for more than just a tired smile.
That did it. It was far more effective than any joke he could ever come up with. She laughs her usual contagious laugh again and her eyes are glowing with glee. She playfully slaps his arm as she throws her head back. He starts to laugh as well and the two just sit their enjoying the sound of each other’s happiness.
“Sarah...” a voice calls out softly from behind them.
That voice. She knew that voice like the back of her hand and instantly it stabbed right through her. She slowly turns her body in his direction and smiles tentatively, “Jacob...” she whispers softly.
*******
He’d be lying to himself if he denied that he knew something was wrong. He knew something was wrong the moment she started calling him every day, the suspicion grew when suddenly her calls came to a halt and she started making excuses up to cover up the truth. And now, the smile on her face when she was with John Lloyd and the worried expression on her face now confirmed his suspicions. They stood at a secluded part of the park and he had his back turned to her. The whole walk over there he didn’t say a word; he hardly even looked at her. She stands behind him, wringing her hands, afraid to be the first to speak.
“Mahal mo ba sya?” he finally asks.
She freezes in her spot, her eyes becoming misty. She didn’t answer him she just bowed her head down, ashamed at herself for doing this to him.
Moments passed and they were both silent. He then garners up the strength to finally turn around and look at her. She looked so broken and helpless and he could no longer contain his tears. He couldn’t find it in him to be angry with her at the moment. Right now he just wanted to wrap her in his arms, maybe for the last time, and hold her close to him. Looking at her, fragile and delicate, he remembers how they first started off – how shattered her heart was when he first met her and how he helped her put the pieces back together. Now here she was again, standing before him broken and fragile, but he knew that this time he couldn’t help her find her way back, he wasn’t the one who could mend her broken heart.
They didn’t say much, no yelling, no blaming one another, but that didn’t mean it was an easy breakup. She apologized and he forgave her to the best he could at the moment. He was frustrated with himself because regardless of how much it hurt and how much he wanted to be angry with her he just couldn’t. Maybe the anger was still to come, maybe when the news of her relationship with John Lloyd splashed all over the news, or maybe even tonight when she wasn’t helplessly standing before him. She waited for him to get angry, she waited for him to yell out in frustration, to slur out mean words but none of it came. He just walked away from her and she stood their feeling even guiltier. She wanted him to be angry she wanted to hear all the things he felt because that is what she deserved, or so she thought. Even at times when it was acceptable for him to be ruthless he still took the high road and that left her rattled. She spent the night praying that he would be okay, that he realize he deserved better than her, he deserved someone who could love and appreciate him completely. He was everything she had ever dreamed of but he wasn’t the one her heart ached for.
She was free from her commitments but he was still attached to his girlfriend so she continued to wait on him. He could see the struggle in her every time they were together and he knew he had to figure out a way to free her from this struggle, to free himself from his current relationship. On a cool Saturday night, after their shooting, he told her that he was going to take care of everything tonight; he ensured her that her struggle was ending soon. And he did exactly that.
She had just finished rehearsals for ASAP and she was surprised to learn that he was waiting in the dressing room for her. It had been weeks since they had seen each other and she was so touched that he went out of his way to see her. She excitedly walked into the room only to find John Lloyd pacing the floor with his head down. She starts to feel anxious when he looks up and she sees that troubled look on his face.
It wasn’t as civil as Sarah and Jacob’s breakup – there were tears, yelling, a slap on the cheek, a pounding on his chest, and some begging. She unlike him refused to give up on this relationship; she apologized to him, she promised to be a better girlfriend, to be more devoted to him but there was no way to fix this relationship. He tried his best to reassure her that it wasn’t her fault and that he was to blame. At the end of it all he had to admit to her that he was in love with someone else, that he had always been in love with someone else. He didn’t need to say who because she knew. She had known about her even before they started dating and she hoped that her love would be enough to make him forget her and she was frustrated that after everything they had been through together it was still Sarah. She walked out of the room leaving him there with his guilt.
He never wanted to hurt her but he just couldn’t lie to himself any longer.
*******
He excitedly walks the hallways of ABS-CBN making his way to Sarah’s dressing room. He was excited that finally they were both free to be together and they could finally act on their feelings. But as he walks into the room his huge grin is replaced by a worried expression when he sees Sarah sitting in front of the mirror, tears running down her cheek.
TBC
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